heart.
let's chase the summer and forget the world.
Monday, August 30, 2004!
HandWritten on; 11:50 PM
i am really kinda pissed with my mom. why is she the only one who doesnt even care or give a heck abt wad her daughter is going to choose for sec3? i have tolerated her bias-ness towards my bro for a very long time. wad? jus cos he's a guy that means he is right? and i thot that was supposed to be the olden times. i mean. i understand if my grandma is rather biased towards the guy side. but my mom? everything he does is right. even if he scold U. and everyday HE'S the cause of how late we can step out of the house. but noooo, U always scold me. as if it's all my fault. and i dun even haf anything to do with it. when i protest, U scold me again. and say im jus finding excuses.
i thot she always cared. no matter how biased she is, i thot she had always cared abt me. jus that she haf no time or wadsoever. why cant she treat me like b4. jus becos im older now does it mean ppl dun nid care and concern? when i come home everyday, all they(mom, sis n bro) do is throw the keys at me b4 rolling their eyes. as if it's such a big deal walking up from the sofa. dun even say sth like," hello." or "oh u're back". read rebaca's blog. i rather my mom is like her mom. asking me" haf u got back ur test paper?" at least i still noe she still care sth, jus sth, abt me. but she jus cant give a heck. i mean. i noe life is tough for her and everything. but does she think it's very easy for me? i cant understand. i mean, it's not like i nv made the effort. i tried talking to her and stuff. but wad's the use? and i tried to lighten the atmosphere by saying hi! or wadsoever to my sis when i comes home. but no response or jus "bu4 yao4 lai2 chao2 wo3 LAH!" last time my mom used to say, " have u eaten?". now she doesnt say anything. i mean, i tolerated this for so long. and it's not like i nv
tried.
sec3 combis. hafta hand up the form tmr. i told my mom. she SAID she's going to check out for me by asking her frens or what. but she NV. i mean, im not saying i'll definitly go along with wad she wants. but cant she even try to make an effort to say something? jus something? like, "i think u can choose bio." or
something like that? am i asking for too much over here? and yesterday she jus signed the form without even noeing wad i'll be choosing.
i am pissed. and i think i haf finally discovered tt i dun nid to try and please her anymore. i dun even wan to protest anymore. cos even if i did, all i get is the rolling of the eyes. it's not mutual, get it? and i walked out of the car today w/o saying anything. i duno wad she'll think but i hope she'll get the message tt im feeling pissed cos of her. nowadays i think i nv even say alot at home. maybe i dun even talk much. i envy my frens' mom. like jessamin. at least ur mom cared, jess. and told u to choose carefully. dun take her for granted. and if im in skol at least my frens will ask after me. and if i fell dey'll care. and ask if im hurt. at home: no one cares. everyone minds their own business. once i fell and shrieked. no response. no one cared. even if i got seriously injured no one knows. so i really wan to move out. OUT. out to somewhere where i noe someone cares. i cried yesterday. duno why. i feel like shouting to vent my anger. but i cant. so perhaps tt's the reason why i cried? so am i jus supposed to make sure she gives me money to spend, gives me food, shelter, no love no care no concern? am i supposed to lead my life like dis? wad is the world coming to?
i think everyone's having a tough time over here. coping with studies and frens and families. everybody seems to be crying inside when they's putting on a brave front. everybody. jus like me.
Thursday, August 26, 2004!
HandWritten on; 11:22 AM
loong time nv update. and loooonger time no one tagg on my board. okay.
fri supposed to have x-country. supposed to. started raining. it was cancelled. haha i was so happy. i hate running. but danhong pretty disappointed. we went junction 8 to while away the time b4 the supposed-to-have x-country. haha. it was kinda fun. mich was lugging her bag. so heavy. really veri heavy. i thot i lost my $10 at precious thots. den went to find. duh of cos cant find. i was thinking maybe, just maybe, i din really lose it. den was so engrossed in buying the sticker. really cute. den place my file there n forgot to take. hahaha. i think i got memory loss. went back wiv mich. luckily it was still dere. poor mich. lugging her bag all the way. oh yes jessamin "pushed" the glass "table" and it err, kinda fell? err, the shopkeeper at precious thots was kinda irritated. all jessamin's fault. den we bought ziyin's bday prez. haha. nice.
going back sv on teachers' day. looking forward to it. i miss sv so much. wrote a letter to haiwei but haven post yet. told her i going to post on monday nite when i called her. think she waiting for it. but it's still in my file. paiseh. haha.
hafta hand up the selections for combinations (coms) for sec3 nx tues. the sch gave us ONE month and i haven decided yet. haiz.
wendy going nj. im going to miss her LOTS.
audrey accepted by tj liao. haiz.
margaret n lynn going NUS for some math n sci course.
----2/9 is going to split!!!----
i still duno where im going. asked alot of ppl. still not sure. mabye choosing com1,2,4. pure lit and elect hist. but not sure. cos my lit sucks.
pple im sure gonna miss u all. we came together by fate on that fateful day on 2nd jan 2003. although we had some quarrels, misunderstandings etc, im sure all of us love 2/9. LOVE 2/9. 2/9'04 rox. all the best ppl~
Wednesday, August 11, 2004!
HandWritten on; 12:38 PM
haha. spent the national day holidays
1) slacking
2) sleeping
3) trying to figure out homework (which i failed terribly)
4) listening to JJ cd (WHAT else do I do?)
i tink im mad abt JJ. haha. like on tt NDP on tv. i was going to take a spoon (dinner time!) den i heard the DJ saying JJ is going to sing den i ran out of the kitchen. haha. den my mom n grandma think im siao. haha. den my grandma found out tt JJ is my idol. haha. i was so So excited. i mean, he ROX. (like DUH!)
and i listened to the radio (933 LAH) and alot ppl sae JJ rox. haha. i was kinda, smiling to myself? haha. i mean, TT is true. he rox.
even jessamin who used to dislike him now wanns to buy his cd. haha. and she agrees tt JJ rox. hahahahah. ehh that is good.
been smsing serene. told her countless times tt JJ rox. and she said tt was good influence. haha. good. n she is a LIL influenced by me too. a LIL. and she still luv her f4 more.
i think im going mad (liubei says so, she's beside me...) yahhh. mad thinking abt JJ. hahahaha... now in the comp lab. supposed to do timed trial de. argumantative essay. but jus doesnt haf the mood. haha. duno how am i to do at home anyway. haix...
anyway, to end on a good note...
------------JJ ROX-------------------------------------
Tuesday, August 03, 2004!
HandWritten on; 11:12 AM
JJ lin jun jie
RAWKS!
OMG. he is so damn cool. he rules.
(for those hu doesnt noe, JJ lin jun jie and 933 DJ lingzhi actually came my skol on friday, the 30th of july)
was sitting less than 1 metre away from the stage. (cos of kiasu-ness) was down at the hall even b4 skol ended, thks to ms shirley wong cos she nv come to lesson den every1 was walking around, so excited abt the concert... den rushed in once we can. haha. was right in front of the stage.)
i wana slap* myself for not deciding to buy his cd on tt day. den got free vcd which cost around $19 outside loh. den tt sae can get the CD plus VCD for only $19!!! im so stupid.
and, im going to say sth: i dun think he is chao shuai4. jus cool. as in, COOL. yes. so stop bugging me abt why i like him cos he not very shuai. he is not bad-looking but very very very COOL. (like, duh.)
den went to buy his cd at popular on sat. his songs are so nice...
and he's going to sing the "HOME" national song with Kit Chan during the national day parade. yayyyyy. heard him on 933 on sunday.
JJ rocks.
lingzhi rocks.
